The weird and wonderful life of Robbie Roscoe
by Hollyoaker123
Summary: Robbie is one of the youngest roscoes and he wants to live up to his name , but something always goes wrong and there is more behind the boy than we first thought . Warning: contains some adult themes all trigger warnings included.
1. Chapter 1

**The weird and wonderful life of Robbie Roscoe**

**AN : this is my first time writing a fanfic . It's all about Robbie roscoe because I don't think we have seen him as someone vulnerable in the show so here is my take on some parts of his life .**

**I do not own Hollyoaks or any story lines ( but I really wish I did)**

I got up to the smell of burnt toast and the sound of Freddie having a go at zig . Jason chuckled as he began packing his history book . It was a Monday morning and mums voice echoed up the stairs calling for us to move our arses or she would ! Jason being the good little suck up he was ran down stairs to her every call , pecked her on the cheek and went out the door . That was just great now she was going to have a go at me because I'm last to leave .

Everyone in this family always has a go at me ! I'm the one that can't do anything right , it was always Jase. That's the only problem with having a twin , there is always the good and the bad. I guess I'm the bad one.

The sound of mums voice bought me down the stairs immediately , I did not need the third degree about school again . I wasn't allowed out all weekend.

"Freddie will be walking you to school today" mum persisted as she handed me my lunch box full of badly made sandwiches and something that I wasn't even going to describe. God mum really couldn't cook!

"Why?" I snapped .

" because your actually going to turn up today !" She said as Freddie stomped down the stairs looking just as annoyed as me .

"Fine" I mumbled edging towards the door.

"Bye love" Mum shouted as we shut the door. I could tell she was still awkward around me , ever since I got back from London . I was away for months . It was horrible! It felt wrong without everyone there. I didn't tell him but I really missed Jase .

Freddie just looked at me funny and chuckled.

"mum hates me Fred!" I mumbled as we walked. "I can't do anything to please her!"

" she doesn't hate ya Rob!" he laughed at my remark.

"you just need to stop getting in to trouble mate ! You'll give her a heart attack !"

Stop getting in to trouble ! That was just great I thought . The only way she noticed me was when I did that . Now I would become invisible! There has always been something everyone gets noticed for in our family . Joe was the strong father figure that everyone went to , Freddie was just Freddie who was madly in love with Lindsey ( everyone knew apart from Lindsey and joe ), Ziggy was a mummy's boy who was madly in love with his orange figure and had laid more people than he had actually spoken to. Then there was jase the brain box who was always mums favourite. Then there was me , the one she told off and laid her anger on .

So if I just stopped being in trouble I was going to be invisible. I would love to be like Jason but I am not half as smart and I would just be second best .

As we approached the school gates Freddie gave me a small wave and sniggered as I held up my middle finger in response .

As I got to class the bell rang and the eyes of john Paul McQueen were set on me as I sat on my chair next to Jason .

Jason chuckled as I stared at him signalling him to shut up .

The day went ok I suppose . I didn't get into trouble so it was all good until after school.

**Il update soon :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I'm really enjoying writing this fic and I just wanted to say I'm a big hollyoaks fan on twitter too ! If you want to follow it is terrihollyoaks Enjoy this chapter , Robbie gets into a bad situation … trigger warning male r*** **

"Robbie you need to see Mr Blake" Jason said as we kicked the football against the school gate .

"Mum said that I needed to remind you to apologise , you know for Friday"

" you go to the garage then , il meet you there" I walked away towards the school, a frown on my face with the thought of going back in . I kicked a rock against the wall as I made my way up the steps , it chiped the edge of the hollyoaks high sign . "Oh well I can just apologise for that too !" I sneered .

It was so embarrassing what was I even going to say? " oh sorry Mr Blake that I find you school so boring I don't wish to attend!" I made my way past the main corridor and through to the office .

As I opened the door a sense of dred came over me . I had never really liked Patrick Blake . He always creeped me out . He stared at me constantly and I saw the controlling thing he had over Maxine . I swear I heard her scream one night as I walked past price slice .

As I entered the room my eyes were drawn to the newspaper . "Crazy sienna released back into society" . I didn't know her but I felt sorry for her though . She must have had a hard life to do all of that crazy stuff to Tom . I knew Patrick was her dad and he must have loved her , but he can't have been all that good at it if she turned out like that .

That's what always creeped me out about him! "Ahh Mr Roscoe our little run away boy" I glared at Patrick and silently moved towards his desk . He was sat in his leather chair on his phone texting someone . It was probably Maxine.

"I urrrm came to say sorry urrrm for Friday ?" I looked at him in the hope that he would just nod and send me on my way . I really wanted to Finnish the old BMW that had been brought in last night . Jase would have already done it though now. Damn it !

"Sit down Robbie" Patrick ushered as he pointed to the chair to the left of me . I sat down and played with my fingers , expecting him to start giving me the third degree about everything . Everything stayed silent , like he expected me to know what to say . I just looked at his face that seemed pretty normal and persisted with looking at my feet .

"I wanted to ask you a question Robbie ?"

"Ok what?" I replied looking rather confused

"Why were you talking about my fiancé today ?"

Shit! I had told Jason that I swear I heard her scream the other day . He had just laughed and we had left it at that . Patrick must have heard . Oh shit.

"Urrrm well I was just telling Jase what I heard the other night"

"And what would that be Robbie" Patrick scowled his eyes now fixated on mine

"I heard her scream sir that's it ok"

"No you didn't !" Patrick snapped!

"Lying is not a good thing Mr Roscoe" Patrick changed his tune back to his creepy smile and robot like tone.

I can take teachers having a go at me and I understand I'm sometimes out of line but I am far from a lier I thought my glare beginning to turn into a frown.

"That's what I heard I'm not lying" I replied anger racing in my tone of voice .

Patrick kept his calm expression but I could see his fists slightly clenching on the table .

"No body can hear about this lie Mr Roscoe . And a lie is what it is ."

I started to feel it again . That sense of adrenalin that came over me when being provoked . I didn't want to but I couldn't miss a chance to rub someone up the wrong way.

" why what are you gonna do about it ahe ?" I sneered locking my eyes onto his .

I saw him starting to panic and his fists clench tighter . Now in for the punch line I thought . I knew I was right and it would send the big guy over the edge .

" your probably hitting her , that's why isn't it Mr Blake?"

I instantly regretted that statement as he flew off his chair and pinned me up against the wall.

"You dare say anything you little brat and il do the same to you!"

I stared at him and my worry began to build. He was over six foot , massive compared to me . I saw it in his eyes , he had been hitting Maxine . He was probably the reason for her being so quiet these days . And as for sienna the apple never fell far from the tree .

"you phsyco , you can't tell me what to do !" I yelled as his grip became stronger.

"I will do whatever I want Mr Roscoe you're the student , I'm the teacher right ? So I could hit you right ? But no that would be obvious to your little clan of mates . Oh or I could do much worse!"

With that he pushed me to the ground and began to open his trousers . My eyes widened at the sight and my instant urge to struggle and scream kicked in . Patrick smiled as I yelped , but the school was empty and Jason had left .

The pain was unbearable and I struggled until I had nothing left .

"Leave me alone , please I won't tell just leave me alone !" I screamed and shouted in his face what felt like thousands of times before he just stopped .

He was silent and I couldn't move . I froze at the sight of the man pulling up his trousers and giggling at his success . He came back down to the floor and grabbed me with his arm . I flinched and closed my eyes . I couldn't speak , only replay the event in my head

. "You say anything and il Finnish you off!" He snarled .

I nodded in agreement and felt a sudden rush of adrenalin hit me . I chose to use it and I shot up and ran as quick as I could . Through the corridors , down the steps and across to an alleyway .

I slouched against the wall and fell to the floor . The first tears in ages streamed down my face and my hands were shaking at the thought of the whole ordeal . My world crashed down around me . The noises of the cars and people just stopped . Everything turned black . Everything turned silent .

I Robbie Roscoe had just been raped.

**AN : so it's kinda been left on a cliffhanger … I am enjoying writing this and it would mean a lot if you could R&R ! Il update soon :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: thanks for viewing so far , this chapter is the aftermath of Robbie 's attack enjoy … My twitter is terrihollyoaks please follow if you love hollyoaks ! **

I couldn't move for a while . I was numb. This sort of thing didn't happen to people like me , it happened to vulnerable people . I'm not vulnerable ! Tears were still streaming down my face I couldn't control them , but I was going to control myself .

I can't really remember dad dying but it always comes into my head in bad situations . I just pictured mums face when she broke the news and how joe went off the rails . I can't do that though I thought , no one had died and No one ever needs to know .

I was still shaking and the world was a blurred mess . The small noises began to penetrate through my ears again and the sudden thought of reality hit me like a brick wall . I was going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life . I couldn't tell anyone . Not even Jase the closest thing to me in the whole world . I couldn't tell them because I was weak . Why did I freeze? why wasn't I stronger and hit the man to the ground ? I just laid there and yelped helplessly . Let him do that . I just laid there.

I started to pick myself off the ground and began wiping my tears on my jacket . I needed to get to the garage or they would all wonder where I was . I couldn't let them get suspicious because one question and I would crack . As I began to walk through the streets the images replayed in my head . Every time I pushed past someone a shiver went through my spine and I would give them a horrible look . I needed to find a way to hide my anger . Jase would know . He could read me like a book . I couldn't go and snap at them all because well that would be hell for everyone . I just needed time alone for a bit to sort my head out .

{~}

As I reached the garage I felt like crying , but to everyone else in the world Robbie Roscoe was hard and just like his brothers . Unbreakable!

"Where the hell have you been Rob ? It's half six!"

I looked at Jason instantly wanting to say everything , but instead I laughed and tried to make something up.

"I've been on the pull , not that you would know about that !" I said pushing Jason's arm and slightly laughing

"Now there is a boy I like" ziggy replied coming up from the bottom of the car . "At least I taught one of you the art of pulling" he laughed winking at me before demonstrating his orange torso once again.

" I have pulled before" Jason went on. "Holly's pretty cool!"

" oooohhh Jason's in loooovvveee!" Freddie laughed popping his head around the corner .

With that everyone laughed at a tomato red Jason as he threw his spanner at me . It almost seemed normal again , like a normal Monday night all of us boys laughing and taking the piss out of Jase ! But it wasn't normal , and it wasn't long before I showed signs that I wasn't ok .

{~}

" hey Rob how did it go with Blake?" Jason asked as we began on the bonnet .

"Just leave it!" I snapped instantly turning round to see a confused Jason staring at me .

He knew that teachers didn't bother me and I'd laugh off any punishment or argument they would throw at me .

" Jesus what did he do ? Tie you up ?" Jason chuckled as he reached for the tools .

" nothing happened so leave it ok!" I snapped again , the anger slightly returning on my face .

"I was just asking!"

"Well don't !"

At this point Jason could tell I wasn't saying something and stared at me funny , until I finally turned my back so he couldn't see the tears in my eyes welling up .

{~}

After tea (which I didn't eat) I ran upstairs to Jason's and my room and flopped across my bed . Finally peace and quiet ! I thought whilst looking out the window .

The pain was still there , I could feel the bruising beginning to come on my legs and I felt dirty . So disgusting and weak . The images were still there , I couldn't hide them . I couldn't get away . I wanted to think of something else , anything else but I just couldn't . He was still on me , still around me . I could even here his patronising voice and the deep blue eyes fixated on mine .

I needed to be me again , I needed him to go . So I decided to take a shower.

As I got undressed I saw the full extent of my attack . The bruises around my legs and on my arms . I felt dirty and stupid . Weak and disgusting . I was a horrible human being .

I washed for over an hour . I still wasn't clean . I could still feel it there . I didn't know how to make it go away .

It wouldn't ever go away .

** Thanks for reading so far , in the next chapter Jason gets more suspicious and the two boys get into a fight leaving one in a bad way … Il update soon :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN : thanks for viewing so far , if anyone has any ideas for this story I'd love to include them ! Don't forget to R&R ! Enjoy !**

As I went downstairs I could feel everyone staring at me . Especially Jase . Mum looked annoyed after she had found out my tea was in the bin and Freddie and joe just stared awkwardly at me after taking a shower for the last hour or so . As for zig he was out . Probably on the pull .

Lindsey came out of the kitchen with five cups of tea . She smiled at me as normal and retreated to sitting on joes lap . I really liked Lindsey . She was so nice to everyone . I felt like she was my sister , and would understand the most if I told her what happened .

If I told mum she would never leave me alone again . Jase would be the same and probably make me hang around with him for the rest of my life . And as for the other three , they would probably form some sort of alliance and kill Patrick . They were quite capable too .

Mum was the one who had to bring up the subject after a long period of silence . If she had just left it everything would have been ok.

"So how did it go with Mr Blake?" She announced glaring with those parent eyes that you get when your in trouble.

" doesn't matter!" I mumbled , although it came out as a shout.

Everyone turned to look at me , almost ready for the fight that would imminently evolve .

" it does matter Robert" she continued. " you haven't been suspended again have you?"

"No!" I snapped back

"Then what did he do ?" Jason added looking rather confused.

"Nothing just leave it!"

Mum turned to me and pretty much Knew that I wasn't saying something.

"You are trying to tell me that he let you off with nothing?" She persisted.

"Why can't you just leave me alone!" I yelled rising quickly from my chair . "You always think the worst of me don't ya mum!" I shouted as I grabbed my jacket . " I hate this family!" With that I flew out the door and I could feel the tears beginning to well up again.

Why couldn't I have just left school that night I thought . Why did I have to go back to that bastard!

{~}

I flew across the street , and towards the folly in a blur . I couldn't hold it back anymore .  
I kicked the wall and sat on the bench , with my head in my hands. I couldn't cope . I just couldn't .

{~}

Meanwhile , in the roscoe house the family were stunned at what had just happened.

"What has got into that boy!?" Joe said consoling his mum as she bit back the tears .

"Probably just teenage stuff" Lindsey chuckled "don't take it to heart Sand!"

" no it's my fault" sandy whimpered . "He hates me because I sent him back to London ."

"That wasn't your fault mum !" Freddie added " he robbed a shop with a gun!"

"You know him best Jase , what's wrong with him ?" Sandy said drying her tears .

"I'm not sure but I'm going to find out" Jason said , grabbing his coat from the hook .with that he began out the door , on a mission to help his brother.

" Jase you need to do your injection." Sandy added as he began to leave

"Il only be 10 minutes , I need to find him!" Jason Carried on putting on his shoes , and stormed out before anyone could argue with him.

{~}

Jason knew where Robbie would be . He always went to the folly when he wanted to hide , or if he was upset .

As he began walking he knew that Robbie was hiding something from him. But he couldn't understand what it was.

Whenever Robbie didn't tell him something Jason felt worried and hurt for his brother , because Robbie and Jason shared everything , when they didn't , it was always something big , not an argument with a stupid teacher. Robbie enjoyed telling those stories , he liked to outsmart people , it was one of his very annoying talents. This wasn't an argument though , it was much more !

{~}

I heard someone enter the folly as I cried and kicked the already broken wall. I felt the person sit next to me , and I worried someone from school had noticed me crying. I consoled myself in my head before sitting up to find the person sitting next to me was my twin.

"What is going on Robbie?" Jason asked me as he glared at my tear stained face.

"Nothing." I replied quickly , not wanting to let him in.

I couldn't let him in . He would think I'm weak. I'm meant to be the strong one out of us two , the one who protects him from people like Patrick , not the other way around.

"You've been crying though?" He replied .

" no I ain't , I had something in it , that's all!"

Jason stared at me . He knew I wasn't telling him the secret I had stuffed inside of me . I could see that he wanted to know so badly !

"Whatever Rob , but you know you can always talk to me!" He smiled putting his cold hand upon my shoulder.

I wanted to pull him into a hug right now and cry against him . But I couldn't , so I did what I had to do . I had to remember I was the hard one , not him.

"I don't need your help Jase , your not my dad !"I shouted pushing his hand away .

"Please Rob talk to me ! I care about you , I'm your brother!" He shouted back he really did want to help.

" I don't want you as a brother!" I yelled "you never leave me alone do you!"

I could see the hurt in his eyes , and it hurt me just as much.

" can you not understand go away Jason !" I continued "I hate you sometimes ! I really do !"

I could see the tears in his eyes . I hated this but I just needed to be on my own.

With that he glared at me for a second , before turning away and storming off.

I was a horrible human being.

{~}

As Jason walked home he was really upset . How could Robbie do this to him! Why did he hate him ? He was trying to be a good brother right?

As he walked along the pavement a sudden run of nausea came across him. He knew this feeling . He was late with his injection for his diabetes . He had been a few hours late before he left the house . He was really meant to have it at four but with worrying about Robbie he hadn't touched his food or his insulin.

He knew he needed to get home , so he could get an injection . He could feel the dizziness beginning to set in.

As he increased his pace to get home he crossed the road along the street . As he walked he couldn't take it anymore and felt his legs begin to go. Just as he began to fade into blackness he saw two yellow lights come straight to him.

There in front of him was a van speeding along the road. He tried to get out of the road , but he fell to the floor he just couldn't move.

**AN: thanks for reading ! :) R&R please !**

**Next chapter : Robbie finds Jason and all is not looking good for the roscoe family** !


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for viewing so far please R&R thanks ! Follow me on twitter terrihollyoaks**

What had I just done ! Jason was only trying to be nice and I pushed him away . I always push people away I thought as I began to get up from the bench.

As I started to walk home I heard a woman scream . I dreaded to think it was Maxine with that vile thing she calls a fiancé .

As I walked towards the house I realised the scream had been outside , as there were a crowd of people around someone on the road.

I decided to walk past the crowd and just make sure everything was ok , gathering the crowd were made up of ladies , probably kissing the poor guy .

As I got closer I noticed a red body warmer thrown to the side of the person. It looked just like Jason's . I automatically increased my walking pace to a slight run , as I heard a women shout .

"Call an ambulance he isn't breathing!" She screamed frantically going up and down on his chest .

I saw a glimpse of the face and my heart sank. The person lying on the road was Jason!

"JASON!" I cried running to his side.

The woman looked at me funny but persisted with CPR.

"HE IS MY BROTHER!" I shouted , tears now streaming down my face .

"He has a pulse but it's weak." The woman replied finally stopping pushing up and down on his chest.

"The ambulance is coming Jase , stay with me mate , just for a bit longer." I tried to tell him over and over again whilst I held his hand and kept putting my head on his chest.

He was completely out of it. Unconscious. Where was the person who hit him I thought I wanted to kill them !

Jason looked in a really bad way . His arm was bent funny and the gash in his head sat in puddles of dark red blood.

I could feel his light pulse and the noise of the ambulance put me slightly at ease.

As the ambulance tended to Jase I decided to ring mum .

{~}

Ring Ring . Ring Ring.

"Hello this is sandy Roscoe"

I tried to choke back the tears as I was about to break the news that would shatter my mums heart.

"Mum it's me Robbie and there has been an accident and urrrm Jason is involved he is urrm…"

"HE'S WHAT!" I heard joe yell from the other end

"MY BOY!" Sandy sobbed in the middle or asking numerous questions such as what was he doing and how is he now and what are they doing now ?

"Look mum , just get to the hospital , il meet you there!" I mumbled , my eyes fixated at the motionless body of my brother being pushed into the ambulance.

As we went along the road , I watched the paramedics rush around him , fixing his arm into a sling and pad the wound to his head with bandages .

I didn't understand , Jason was sensible and always crossed the road last as he looked vigorously for cars passing . There wasn't an explanation for this unless the car was going at light speed or he… Oh shit, his injection!

"He's a type one diabetic !" I yelled to the doctors as the concern began to rise over their faces to the boy not waking up .

" do you know when he had his last injection, Mr Roscoe?" The paramedic asked fitting him up with an insulin drip and an IV.

"It was meant to be at 3 I think but I didn't see him take it!" I cried , mentally kicking myself for not saying this earlier. What if he had died and it would have been all my fault . Oh god he might still die . These thoughts went over and over in my head as we went along the road , it somehow put the other thoughts out of my head . He was my brother and he came first before any other problem in my life. Jason may have not known it but I was probably more scared than him. It killed me that it was him like this. I deserved it ! Not him.

{~}

As we got to the hospital , mum , joe , Fred and zig were stood tear stained at the entrance . Linsey was on shift and was prepping for Jason to arrive .

I sat for the last second in the ambulance removing my clenched grip from his limp fingers . I gave him a sympathetic look and whispered .

"You can do this mate , I love you !" With that I dragged myself out of the back and watched in horror as the paramedics rushed the stretcher through the main doors and the four faces of my family trailed behind it .

Mum looked the worse as they rushed him into resus she collapsed hysterically into ziggy's arms as joe and Fred watched tediously through the glass doors as the doctors worked him .

{~}

After a few hours of waiting in the family room Linsey came to us holding a file and a small smile .

"He's going to be ok!" She beamed taking the look of dred off sandy's face and turning it into a picture of happy tears and a big hug .

No one knew it but I was the most scared out of everyone. I couldn't let it ruin my hard act I put on though because I had to stay strong for mum and zig as they took the brunt of the emotional wave .

" he has had a bad concussion to the head and a bad break to the arm and collar bone but we managed to stabilise him after his arrest . Oh yeah and Robbie , it's a good job you told the paramedics about Jason's diabetes . He needed his insulin or it could have been a lot worse!"

With that everyone looked at me and smiled. Joe giving me a slight pat on the back , just like Jason had earlier that night. Why did I deserve praise? I was the one that put him here . If I hadn't have stormed off , then he wouldn't have followed and got hit . I couldn't sit here and be praised for saving his life ! I was the horrible , disgusting person that nearly ended it.

"I don't want praise!" I shouted . The emotion was building up.

"Why not Robert , I'm really proud of you!" Mum cried putting her hand over mine. " you handled it really well , he would have been dead" she choked back pulling me into a hug.

" I have nothing to be proud of!" I yelled ! "It's my fault he is here !" With that I stormed out of the room , Freddie followed.

" can we see him ?" I heard joe mutter in the background

" yeah one at a time" Lindsey showed mum to the room.

{~}

By this time I was stood outside of the hospital with my head in my hands .

"What the hell has got into you today Rob?" Freddie went on pulling my head up .

" just leave it Fred !" I shouted retreating to looking down again.

" Robbie it wasn't your fault. It was the drivers fault !" Freddie stared at me , concern written all over his face .

" if I hadn't have stormed out , then he wouldn't have followed me !" I cried still managing to just choke back the tears.

" you didn't know though Rob!" With that Freddie pulled me into a hug and held me as I collapsed into him in floods of tears .

That was it hard Robbie had gone . Oh crap !

{~}

When I came back inside , I found mum and ziggy outside Jason's room .

"Who's in there ?" I asked dying to go in.

" Lindsey is concerned about Jason's breathing and the fact he hasn't woken up yet" mum babbled , kind of in a trance of shock.

"But , but she said he was stable" Freddie protested

"Their running more tests" joe answered as he and Linsey re appeared from Jason's room .

The family sat in shock and that ache returned to me as I realised he wasn't all ok . He could still die!

" can I go and see him now ?" I looked at Lindsey in hope she would say yes .

" just one at a time" she weakly smiled as I lept from my seat and through the door.

{~}

As I walked in is was in shock at the amount of wires and tubes , sticking out of Jason and the oxygen mask sat on his face . His body looked limp and motionless . It was all my fault!

I sat on the seat next to his bed and I clenched onto one of his cold hands .

"I'm really sorry bro!" I choked , the stray tear hitting his arm. " you shouldn't have come after me ! I don't deserve that and I don't deserve you!"

At this point I rested my head upon his chest. It put me at ease to hear his heart faintly beat .  
"All that stuff I said earlier , I didn't mean it !" I sobbed looking at his peaceful expression " you're my twin and I love you and your going to be ok !"

"That's why you've got to wake up mate !" I said over and over again .

I was fiddling with his fingers when the door swung open. It was joe . He looked worried.

"Rob you need to come out here."

"Why?" I pleaded not wanting to leave his side.

"Jason's test results are back."

**Thanks for reading so far please Review because your ideas would help me a lot . Il update soon ! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

.

**A/N: Thank you for reading so far! Please review and give me ideas ! It would mean a lot !  
Thank you to the guest that gave me the idea about Lindsey being the first to know! I'm going to try and put that in to the story.**

**This is also set just before the john-Paul and Finn story just so you know :)**

Mum was beginning to pace up and down along the corridor , she never really liked hospitals , ever since dad got sick. When Jason got diagnosed with diabetes at eleven , the repeated trips for medication and check ups left mum with an inner fear of the places and a sense of dred every time she entered one.

Joe and Freddie sat next to each other both hinting at Lindsey to read out the results on the file she held . They could see by her expression that it wasn't good as she had tear stained eyes and a slight tremble in her bottom lip

"It's bad isn't it!" I yelled finally breaking everyone's trance .

"I'm sorry Sand" Lindsey teared up.

"Is he going to die?" Freddie added turning white like a sheep and beginning to clench onto joes leg.

"The test results show that Jason had a collapsed lung from the impact and that shows why he is having difficulty breathing, but I'm afraid to say we also found that the impact to his head has caused some internal bleeding to the brain." Lindsey just stared at our blank faces and the tears running down mums face.

"So what now?" Mum sobbed beginning to use ziggy to lean on.

"I'm so sorry Sand but he has been induced into a coma until we know more about the damage."

The whole family were devastated.

{~}

For the next two days mum and me didn't move from Jason's bedside.

She didn't make me go to collage for the first day , the second day she just forgot.

I was devastated for Jase and wanted him to wake up so badly , but at least with all this happening I didn't have to see the evil and dreaded face of Patrick Blake . I just couldn't deal with that right now . I couldn't go back to collage!

On the third day my worst fears were confirmed .

"Robert get up!" My mum prodded me as I slumped over the hospital chair .

"Whaatt?" I yawned still half asleep. I suddenly realised where I was and shot up thinking the worst about Jason.

"You going to collage today you need to go home" mum mumbled, her eyes still on Jason and her hands cupped around his.

"I'm not leaving him!" I protested beginning to get comfortable in my chair again .

"Nothing is going to change , and if it does I will ring you" she said sternly . I knew she wasn't going to take no for an answer so I scrambled around for my coat and began to get up.

Just before I left I walked over to Jason's bed and clenched his other hand.

"Now you! I want a call from mum today saying you've woken up!" I smiled at his sleeping figure and gazed sympathetically at the tube running down his throat. I gulped down the lump in my throat and mouthed "I love you mate!" Before persisting going out the door.

{~}

As i reached home I was greeted by a hug from Lindsey and a smile from joe who had just got up.

"Do you want me to drive you to collage" joe smiled eating his toast. "I can pick you up too and give you a lift to the hospital after if you like?" He carried on. Joe hadn't been this nice to me for ages. Freddie must have told him I cried. Shit!

"No I fancy a walk" I mumbled slowly walking upstairs and into the bathroom.

I could always bunk? I thought as I had a shower. But the second I thought of it , the picture of going into Patricks office came flooding back. I could feel him there again , I could feel his voice in my head.

"I could do much worse…." I heard him whisper

Shivers went down my spine and images of him flooded my eyes . The shower felt stuffy and hot , I couldn't breathe . I had to get out! I flung the door open and grabbed my towel . I was breathing heavily and I clenched the sink with my hands. I felt dizzy and disorientated with the thought of him staring at me.

I wiped my hand across the steamy mirror and looked hard at myself. I looked at my face , my body. They weren't mine anymore though! They were his . He took my pride , my self a steam , my happiness!

I was now weak and disgusting. I couldn't bare to look at myself without a tear forming in my eyes. Who would ever love someone like me now! I used to be hard and nothing could phase me. But after all this my hard exterior had vanished , I was just a soppy person how could he do that to me. How could he take my life like this!

My eyes were suddenly drawn to my razor.

"No Robbie! That is for weak people!" I inwardly shouted to myself. I glared at the sharp blade and my thirst for pain grew . It was the only thing that could take this feeling away. Block it out.

"No!" I forced myself not to. It would prove I'm weak , and I wasn't . I could face collage again, pretend it never happened. That's what I would have to do!

Self consciously I placed the razor in my pocket for some reason. But I managed to convince myself it was there as a precaution . Yeah that's all!

{~}

I walked slowly to school.

The school knew where I had been , so loads of questions would manage to fire themselves at me I suppose.

I didn't want to answer any questions ! I didn't want to speak to anyone! Certainly not about Jason. I didn't want to think of him there all alone in that state , and that it was my fault that he could potentially die!

As I reached the gates something inside me made me stop. The dred of going back in hit me again and I couldn't move. I just stared at the building and the kids shuffled around the door, slowly making their way in laughing with their friends.

I just wanted to do the same thing, but nothing could have peeled the worried look off my face. People would ask why I looked so upset. They would automatically think it was Jason, which it was, but that story would at least hide the other thing that was playing on my mind. It would at least get me through the day.

"You finally decided to turn up then!" I was pulled from my thoughts by Finn who was now stood against me at the gate.

"Yeah well you know where I have been!" I snapped back, not really wanting to talk to him.

"Yeah well , winding up McQueer isn't the same without you!" He joked edging towards the doors.

"Oh just do one Finn!" I yelled pushing past him and into the school. At least I had gone through the doors. That was a start.

{~}

the day went ok at first. Everyone just gave me sympathetic looks and some of Jason's friends decided that I was some sort of medical genius , as they decided to ask me questions about his condition that the doctors didn't even know yet.

Holly was the worst. She wouldn't leave me alone. The second I walked through the doors , she ran up to me , flung her arms onto me , and cried. I hate it when girls cry.

"Is he going to die?" She sobbed , people were now staring at us in the corridor as she collapsed on me in hysterics.

"Yeah , he will be fine. Now get off!" I tried to sound sympathetic for her but as usual I sounded like an idiot . She glared at me as I pealed her arms off my shoulders and began to walk away.

" but Robbie I –"

" just leave me alone!" I snapped turning my walk into run.

No I couldn't handle it! I could sit there and take all the sympathy and questions. I couldn't sit in the building that ruined my life and pretend it was ok. I couldn't bare to see Patricks face, and I couldn't bare to know that it was all his fault that Jason was like this. Not mine. His.

I started to push past the crowds of people, as they looked at me. They stared at my every move, like I was in slow motion. I needed to get past but I couldn't . The tears were welling up in my eyes with all the stress but I couldn't let people know. I heard my name faintly being called.

"Robbie!"

"Robbie…"

The noises began to fade. I could hear people talking but it was muffled by my emotions. I could see phoebe McQueen starting to walk behind me. Shit.

I was trying to run but it seemed like an endless journey. My throat was dry and tight and the visions of people became blurry. I couldn't get outside. There was no way out.

Phoebe was still following me and she was surely going to come and talk to me. I needed to get rid of her. Why the hell would she follow me anyway. She hates me! She's so protective over john-Paul she gave Finn a slap last week.

The world is spinning I need to be on my own. I wish Jason was here. I need him. I need to tell someone. He is the only one I trust!

Phoebe grabbed my arm. I felt hot to touch and I was struggling for air.

"Robbie stop! What's wrong?"

"Guess!" I snapped before managing to loose her in the boys bathroom.

{~}

the bathroom was quiet and cold.

My breathing was getting faster and the tears that were once in my eyes were now rolling heavily down my Cheek.

"STOP IT ROBBIE ! STOP IT !" I screamed at myself! I couldn't deal with the thought of being here , the pain that that man caused me the pain that he has caused jason! It was his fault he was like that! I would never have shouted if he didn't-

I couldn't say the word. The thought of it made the pain worse!

I ran to the toilet cubicle and started to throw up . I could hear him . Taste his breath. He was there again.

I stood at the sink and tried to get rid of the sweaty humid feel on my face . I needed to wash him away . But the pain wouldn't stop.

I couldn't breathe . Couldn't think.

I felt the razor in my pocket.

" I could use it ." I thought staring at the shiny metal edges wedged between the plastic. I was fixated to it. I was drawn to it.

It was for weak people . I knew that. But I was weak.

I let him do that.

I let Jase down.

I let myself down.

With that I made a deep slice down my wrist.

I watched in shame as the crimson red blood flowed down my arm and into the sink.

What the hell had I just done!

**Next chapter: someone finds out what happened to Robbie and some good news for Jason…. **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: thanks for reading so far! Please Review ! 3**

I couldn't stay at collage.

I needed to leave or I would let it all out. What if someone decided to ask me about that giant big red gash on my arm that was still bleeding. Fortunately I had a black jumper on. Hopefully I would be safe.

I was worthless. Stupid now I had done that. Why did I cut myself!

I walked out of the bathroom with a tear stained face. Every time I wiped them away they would just re appear.

I could still feel the people staring at me with their judging eyes. I knew what they were thinking.

"Oh it should be Robbie in that hospital not Jason" that's what they would all be muttering and they would be right in doing so. I should have go hit , I should have had diabetes I should be the one with all the problems. Jason should have got another twin that actually treated him right. I shouldn't have been allowed to be born.

I needed to get to English but the corridor was full of crowds of worried students. Most were only just finding out about Jason and how he was in a coma. I could hear the word circulating around the conversations and it made my blood boil at the thought of it.

As I began to walk through the people I could only picture Patricks face. Everyone would be looking at me differently if I told them the real reason why I just had a nervous breakdown in the toilet.

I only needed to survive one more hour in this hell whole and I could leave. Leave and potentially never come back.

I thought about telling my family what happened but I knew that wouldn't go down well. It would get me out of collage. Yes. But it would be a case of joe getting sent down for murder and me never being able to leave the house again under mums protective watch FOREVER.

{~}

As I began to get my books out of my locker I felt a sharp bump against my shoulder. I turned around to see Finn laughing behind my back stood with a bucket of something slimey.

"This'll get McQueer going" he laughed fixing the bucket up to the door frame.

"I don't care right now I have bigger problems!" I snapped pushing past his shocked face.

"You've gone soft because of Jason haven't ya!" He sneered pulling me back by my jumper sleeve.

"Say. That. Again."

"You're sooooo scared ! It's almost like you have turned into Mr McQueer. A gay."

With that I lept onto Finn and pushed him firmly to the ground.

"you take that back you son of a bi*** or il-"

I was interrupted by a familiar voice echoing through my ears.

"My office. NOW!" Patrick Blake shouted.

I stopped dead in my tracks. No way was I ever going near that man again. I was certainly not going on my own to his office.

I needed to get out quickly. I needed to escape.

I tried to run out of the door way . He was blocking it.

"Leave me alone!" I shouted at him trying to push past his disgusting figure and make my way through the tiny gap left.

The whole class looked at me in amazement. Not only had I pushed the likes of Finn O'connor to the floor but I had just had a go at the head.

"Robert Roscoe if you take one more step il-" he quickly stopped talking as the class looked directly at his now worried face for the threat to come out.

I knew exactly what he was going to say.

I took the chance I had to get out while he stared at the class and turned an embarrassed shade of red.

I ran.

I ran fast.

{~}

I found myself stood at the hospital entrance.

I needed to see the person who meant most to me in the world. Only he could make me feel good about myself . Only he could comfort me . He was the only person in the world I could actually tell. And I really needed to tell someone.

I walked to the private room where Jason was and stared at his motionless figure. Every time I looked at his peaceful eyes a lump appeared in my throat and I had to stop myself from tearing up. Jason couldn't see me like this. He was unconscious but he could still hear me, probably sense that I was here. I needed to be strong for him now, like I should have been all along!

The sudden thought of him remembering popped into my head.

What if he remembered we had an argument?

What if he asked questions? I would just let it all out! He would see I was weak!

What if he blamed me?

With that I held his hand tight and sat beside his bed.

{~}

Meanwhile Lindsey was on her rounds when she got a very important call on her pager.

As she went to the front desk for news on Jason's condition her smile beamed through the whole corridor and she clutched the file with great relief.

They could finally wake Jason up !

She began to run down the corridor to Jason's room. Sandy would be so happy when she came tonight and found Jason awake !

{~}

I was looking at him, focused on his eyes that wouldn't open. I needed to tell someone about this, I needed to get it all off my chest!

Jason would have been the first one I told anyway, even If he was just as protective of me as mum. I liked feeling protected by my brothers. It always made me feel like they cared and would understand when I had a problem. I loved all of them really , even though I didn't really show it.

"Look Jase I need to talk to you about something" I stuttered on trying to keep the tears at bay.

"I'm so sorry I was off with you the other day. It's my fault your in here isn't it ?" I swallowed that large lump in my throat and began to tell him why I was so upset.

"Something happened in that room with Patrick and-" it was hard to go on, the tears were now rolling down my face and hitting his arm. I was so glad he was out of it. I don't think he would have wanted to see me like this.

{~}

Lindsey opened the door to the room gently. She was on her break and decided to sit with Jason and tell him the good news. As she walked in she saw Robbie sat with his brother crying against his bed.

She decided to let him finish before she gave him a slap for bunking again.

He had been caught out this time! She thought.

He didn't even know she was there!

{~}

I had stopped talking and my sense of panic had returned. I felt myself going hot and the room began to spin once again.

I was having another panic attack but this time I was going to actually tell someone. I needed to make it stop!

"He asked me why I was talking to you about Maxine, and I provoked him. It was all my fault!" I was breathing heavily and I was struggling to get the words out through streams of tears and and my chattering teeth

"Jason… He…..did… Stuff" I sobbed

"Jason…..he raped me…." I was inconsolable and my head sunk onto Jason's chest as My anger and frustration poured out through salty tears and the need to punch the chair. The sentence didn't seem real. When I told him it felt like a lie. I wish it was a lie!

"HE DID WHAT?"

My head suddenly rose to look behind me at the wide eyed form of Lindsey.

"Whaatt are you doing here?" I sobbed trying to dry my tears. "How much did you hear?"

"EVERYTHING"

**Ok so that chapter wasn't the best I know! But I'm tired! I hope you don't mind that Lindsey found out first but she won't be the only one! I think I'm going to bring dodger into the fic as well ! I thought he could come in on getting revenge on Patrick with the roscoes because I might make him find out about Maxine's abuse… Opinions? **

**Il update soon :) **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello everyone! Thanks so much for your lovely reviews it's really great! Keep giving me your opinions and any ideas you have for this story! It would help a lot and probably make it a lot better thanks again and please read and review…. :)**

I just stared at her.

She just stared at me.

For one split second I hoped she was talking about me bunking off school, but Lindsey would just be annoyed, not red in the face with anger and a dropped jaw so big I could have hid in it.

I put my head in my hands and tried to ignore the pain that was now racing through my body. Out of everyone who could find out! It had to be Lindsey! She would tell joe. She would tell mum!

I had to think of a way to get out of this.

She began to approach me. I could feel her cold hands touch my back as she began to sob.

I quickly looked up to find tears of shock running down her face. I could see she looked disgusted at me. I was disgusted at me as well! Why would she sympathise with me? I was a stupid person for letting Patrick touch me. It was my fault. I was a horrible person.

"whhhyyy?" She finally choked after what felt like a decade of silence.

This was it. I needed to reply with something that would lead her off the scent, something that would make her laugh, realise she had the wrong end of the stick. The problem was, she didn't hear it wrong. She was completely right. Why?

Why did this happen to me?

Why did I freeze?

Why did she have to find out?

It was just a case of asking why?

"April fools…" I nervously laughed, trying to lighten the atmosphere. I even hoped she would fall for that. Ziggy would have done.

Instead she turned and looked deeply into my eyes. She was hurt and angry. I could tell. Her tears had stopped flowing and she was crouched down next to me with a frown that said everything. She wanted answers.

"You call that an April fools Robbie!" She scowled her anger rising and, her hands clenching against my wrists.

"Nothing happened! Just leave it!" I screamed pulling her sweaty grip off my arms and beginning to stand.

"YOU CALL THIS NOTHING!" She yelled blocking my pathway , her eyes filled with fury.

I didn't know what to say to her. I didn't know how to react? How did you react when your brothers fiancé learned you had been raped and was completely crazy? It wasn't like I had been in this situation before!

"You can't tell anyone!" I stuttered regaining consciousness from my daydream.

"Robbie you can't just hold all this in! When did it happen? Are you ok?" Lindsey was starting to sound concerned as she rubbed my shoulder with a weak smile.

"You ask me If I'm ok?" I began to go on, standing up firmly again and brushing myself away from her.

"Robbie if you want to talk we-"

"NO" I yelled pushing her back into the wall

Lindsey fell against the chair and pulled her hand to her face in pain. I felt bad for pushing her but the anger poured out of me. Why would I want to talk about it to anyone? I wanted to forget about it! And she wasn't helping!

With that I stormed out of the room leaving the poor woman slouched against the wall in tears. What had I done.

{~}

Sandy managed to find her way to the hospital as soon as possible as she wanted to see her son awake and well again. She had just got the call from one of the other doctors that Jason was beginning to wake up. She wondered why Lindsey hadn't been the one to break the exciting news, but guessed she would be involved in making sure he was ok.

Ziggy, Freddie and joe were arriving as she got off the number seven bus. They had come as soon as they heard the message, from their mum having a screaming fit down the phone. No one could deny that sandy was on top of the world!

As they walked in another doctor greeted them and took sandy and Fred to the room.

Joe was surprised when he didn't see Lindsey's beaming face at the desk , skipping down the corridor to greet her favourite family. He decided to take matters into his own hands and search the hospital for Lindsey himself. He didn't want her to miss her brother in law waking up! More importantly he needed her right now , if anything went wrong with Jason he couldn't cope without Lindsey's hand wrapped tightly around his.

"Where is Dr Butterfield?" Joe enquired at the nurses station. They seemed to know everything!

A brown haired girl , no older than 25 gave him a warm sympathetic smile and began to look through various schedules and shifts of doctors and nurses.

"I'm sorry sir, but No one has seen Lindsey since this mornings shift. We all thought she had gone home?"

Joe looked worried and began to pace around.

Lindsey wasn't at home, sandy had been there all day. He thought trying to stop himself worrying and focus on Jason.

As he began to walk towards Jason's ward he heard a faint cry in the distance. It sounded like Lindsey. As he began to look around him, he couldn't help but notice the store cupboard door latched and the clanging of something falling against it.

{~}

What have I done! How could I have pushed Lindsey like that? I thought as I sat in the folly. Jason was right I did come here in a time of crisis.

I needed to go back to the hospital. Jason was waking up.

I couldn't go near my family now though! I hurt Lindsey! What if I hurt mum or Jase in anger about this stupid thing. I still couldn't say the name. I would never be able to say that word again.

I needed to get away. Before they all knew my deepest darkest secret , I needed to leave! They would all know by now. I wouldn't blame Lindsey for telling them, after what I did to her, they were bound to ask questions about the bruising on her face and she would surely crack. I knew Lindsey and she was not one to lie. At least I don't think so?

{~}

" Linds? Is that you?" Joe peered around the door to check what was going on.

"Go away!" A faint cry came from the dark corner of the tiny room.

Joe knew who it was and quickly turned on the light. He found Lindsey sat in a huddle on the floor, drying her ever going tears with the edge of her scrubs.

"Oh my god Linds! What's wrong?" Joe ran beside her and crouched against her shaking figure. He instantly saw a bruise forming against her cheek and a cut to her shoulder beginning to stain her scrubs with blood.

" joe just leave it. I had an accident ok!" Lindsey lied pushing his large six foot figure out of the way.

"You wouldn't be crying about that Lindsey don't lie to me!" Joe snapped, not realising just how much anger his tone of voice had indicated as Lindsey retreated to pulling herself into a ball In fright.

" come on Linds! You can talk to me!" He carried on, before hesitating suddenly. "Wait a minute Lindsey, who did this to you?"

Lindsey shook her head in disagreement and began to look at joe in horror as he begun to stand.

"Joe it was an accident!"

"YOUR LYING LINDSEY WHO DID THIS TO YOU?!" Joe began to clench his fists as he wanted to kill the scum bag who would do such a thing to the women he loved.

" I can't tell you." Lindsey sobbed pulling at his arm, desperately trying to restrain him.

Joe sat down next to her again and began to stroke her hair. Lindsey always found comfort in joe doing that. She felt almost protected from anything with him by her side. She was nothing on her own, but they were invincible together. That's why she had to tell him.

"Linds you have one more chance to tell me before I shake it out of you" joe scowled trying to sound serious and sympathetic all at the same time.

"It was Robbie" she muttered, tears beginning to well up again as she said his name.

Joe turned a furious shade of red at the thought of his own brother doing this to Lindsey! She was such a fragile person. She acted hard and un-breakable to anyone who approached her, but she wasn't. She really wasn't.

"HE DID WHAT!?" Joe yelled beginning to shake the wreck of his fiancé .

Lindsey looked deeply into his eyes and dried her tears. She needed to tell someone about what happened with Robbie. Robbie needed the help of all his family right now and Patrick needed to pay!

"Robbie's been-"

"Ahh there you two are! Come on quick! Jason's awake!" Sandy was stood at the feet of Lindsey and joe with a beaming smile on her face.

"That's great sand!" Lindsey smiled.

Everything would have to wait until later she thought.

**Thanks for reading so far! In the next chapter Jason is going to know what Robbie said and the roscoes are in for a shock! Please read and review! Next chapter will be put up in a few days if I have time :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Read and review! :) updates may be slower because I'm going to try and make the chapters longer for you! Also I have exams on at the moment so just to let you know I'm not abandoning the story if I don't update for a bit :)**

Jason was so fragile.

Sandy smiled as his eyes fluttered now and again, she knew he was tired and needed to sleep , but she couldn't wait to talk to him, hear his laugh again, get her family back!

Ziggy was slumped against the other chair, fast asleep but still gripping tightly onto Jason's other hand, in a desperate bid never to let go again. Apart from Robbie , ziggy was closest to Jason. They had always talked about random things , and confided in each other about everything. Ziggy wished so badly that it was him in this state, not Jase.

Freddie was sat on the side of the bed watching the match on the portable tv. He was not one for the lovey dovey side of family affairs, but he just couldn't leave Jason, he needed to protect him. he loved him.

Finally joe and Linsey stood against the door, exchanging worried looks. It was so obvious that there was something wrong but they were here for the family now. For Jason.

{~}

I sat in the folly so badly wanting to run to Jason and check that he was ok.

I couldn't though! If I went there I would be bombarded with questions and I wouldn't be left in peace ever again. Jason was my brother and I couldn't risk pulling him into all of this. I knew him too well and he would just react by thinking it was all his fault. Why wasn't he there? Why didn't he help me? That's what he would go over again and again. He was the one in the hospital bed and he would still probably be thinking about me.

I was so different to Jason. I was selfish. All I ever thought about was me that night. If I hadn't of gone off on one, Jase would never have got hit!

They were all better off without me.

Lindsey would be glad to see the back of me after what I did to her.

Mum would survive, she had already experienced life without me when she sent me off to London a few months ago.

Joe, Fred and ziggy called me the liability of the family. They were constantly telling me to get my act together.

Jason would miss me, but he would survive. He was safer without me there ruining his life. I was the one that got him involved with dodgy deals and problems at school. I had always forced him to do everything. None of it was ever his decision.

I had to leave.

I had to leave now!

{~}

Jason woke up to the image of his family fast asleep around his bed.

He didn't really understand what had gone on and why he was laid in this hospital bed. All he remembered was what Robbie had told him. He could remember how he had cried on the inside as Robbie spilt his emotions out to him. He could remember wanting to give his brother the biggest hug, but not being able to even open his eyes, let alone comfort him. Jason needed to know Robbie was ok now.

"Muuumm" he whispered horsely. He smiled at the instant lift of the blonde woman's head in amazement of his voice.

"Oh Jason sweetie, your okay!" Sandy leapt up from the chair and was instantly kissing her son and stroking his hair.

"Robbbie.." He muttered wincing slightly in pain before retreating to his comfy position.

"Don't speak Jason just rest for now." Sandy ushered her son to go back to sleep. That wasn't a hard thing to do right now.

Ziggy suddenly awoke as he felt Jason's hand beginning to move against his. He shot out of his position as leant against Jason's bedside.

"Jase mate, can you hear me it's zig!"

"Yeah" he weakly smiled as he began to grip his older brothers hand.

"You had me worried for a bit there! Don't go walking into a van again!" Ziggy was laughing and that pretty much woke everyone else up.

"Oh my god Jase you've come back from the dead!" Freddie chuckled as he began to run his hand through his little brothers hair. "Nice to have you back mate!"

Joe and Lindsey stood solid against the door.

Joe gave Jason a smile and signalled for the family to let him rest.

" we should all go sand, Jason can really only have one in at a time while he sleeps." That was the first thing Lindsey had said for hours. Everyone looked at her as she sat against the corner in the dark.

"Who do you want to stay sweetie?" Sandy looked desperately at her son, she didn't want to leave him.

"Where's Robbie?" Jason croaked looking upset that his brother had not turned up to see if he was alright. "I need Robbie now" he began to cough as he got out of breath. He literally had no energy to do anything!

"Jason calm down!" Sandy rushed to him but felt hurt that he wanted Robbie instead.

"Here put this on" ziggy lifted Jason's head and placed the oxygen mask back onto him. He hated seeing Jason in this state, he was so frail and weak. Ziggy wished it was him instead.

"Robbie will come later Jason don't worry!" Sandy stroked Jason's hair as he began to stop coughing.

"You- need- to- find-him" he stuttered before closing his eyes. Jason was so tired, Robbie would be here soon he thought.

{~}

I was running around the house trying to gather all my stuff when I saw the picture of me and Jase, stood proudly upon my desk. We looked so happy together, I felt so bad for leaving him.

I had packed everything. There was no turning back now. I had to leave everyone, I had to leave hollyoaks if I wanted to get my life back again.

I didn't know where to go but I would just have to kip on the streets for a few days, until I found somewhere to go. If I left collage and the people I loved no one else would get hurt and I would never have to see Patrick Blake again.

The only thing that had sat me down was that picture of me and Jason. I couldn't bare not to be with him, and I couldn't live my life with never seeing him again.

I needed to see him just one last time.

{~}

Lindsey almost ran out of Jason's room once he had settled down for a rest.

Joe wasn't far behind her as he stormed out with anger rising in every step.

"Linds what has Robbie done!" He yelled as she got outside. Linsey needed air she could feel the panic racing through her body. She knew joe would go ballistic when he found out what had happened. Even more so when he found out what happened to Robbie.

"Please joe, he didn't mean to! Don't hurt him!" Lindsey sobbed as she sat on a near by bench.

"Linds if he did this to you then he deserves to be-" joe stared at Lindsey as the fear of him rose up on her face. Joe couldn't understand why Lindsey was being so protective of Robbie, he didn't finish the sentence as he knew it would frighten her more. He just needed to know what went on. Where even was Robbie?

"Joe please don't go mad!" Lindsey muttered as she began to hold his hand. She needed to tell him what happened with Robbie or he would go and kill him.

"Linds, I promise you I won't! I just need you to tell me what's happened." Joe smiled sympathetically at Lindsey, he knew there was more to it. There always was.

"It's Robbie he was-" she paused , fretting before she could go on. The strength of joes hand hung tightly around hers urging her to go on. She had to tell him now. They needed to help Robbie.

"He was raped…"

{~}

I needed to see Jason one last time, but I just didn't know how.

I got to the hospital, bags in tow, and began looking at the possible entrances. I could see Lindsey and joe talking on the bench outside so I ducked in the bushes.

"He was raped…"

My heart was beating rapidly as I saw joe stand against the bench with his hand over his mouth. That was it he knew! He stormed off with Lindsey in tow.

"We need to find him NOW!" I heard him scream at Lindsey, now blubbing behind him.

This was my chance I needed to get to Jason and leave before they found me.

The only problem was mum. She would be with Jason and there would be no way to get past her. I needed a diversion to get her away from him.

I grabbed my phone and began to dial her number.

"Hello sandy Roscoe" she chirped. I loved the sound of mums voice, it would break her when she found out I had gone. She would finally see that it was for the best though.

"Mum it's me" I sounded panicked so it would make her leave.

"What's wrong Robbie? Where are you?"

"I got in a bit of trouble and I need picking up. Please mum!" I sounded worried, which I was but I needed mum out of that room.

"You Robert roscoe are a disgrace to this family, sometimes! Your twin brother is really ill in a hospital and you call me to pick you up. You are a selfish and disruptive member of this family! What do you contribute? NOTHING! Sometimes Robert I wish Jason didn't have a twin!"

With that she hung up the phone.

All of those things were right! No one in this family even wanted me! After everything Jase had been through I was making everything about me. No wonder they sent me back to London! I wasn't going to hesitate anymore. I just needed to go!

I decided to wait until everyone would have left the hospital before I could say good bye to Jason. That was one thing I was sure of. I was going to have to see him!

{~}

I crept into his room so quietly you could have heard a pin drop. Mum was still in there but she was fast asleep in the chair. She was such a heavy sleeper, I didn't really need to worry about her.

I could feel the lump in my throat rising as I saw Jason so frail and thin, wired up to drips and machines. The only thing that had changed was he was breathing on his own. That's all that mattered.

I sat beside the bed and grabbed his hand. I didn't want to wake him but I needed to be close to him right now. I wanted to hug him and tell him so badly how sorry I was for everything I had ruined in his life. But no, all I could do was watch. Watch him sleep so peacefully, hopefully dreaming of Holly and the good things in life. I wasn't one of them, I was just Robbie! His half hearted selfish twin. Really the evil one of the two. I had held him back from everything in his life and without me he would be better off.

I stroked his hair and smiled as he moved slightly with ease as I pulled away. He was so cute when he slept.

I then looked at mum, with her tired eyes and her sweet expression as she snored in the seat next to him. I grabbed the spare blanket and wrapped it round her. I didn't want her to be cold. I kissed her on the cheek and whispered:

"I love you, both of you"

Before grabbing a piece of paper and one of those tiny complementary Argos pens from my pocket.

I wrote "sorry" on the paper and pushed it against Jason's bed side table.

I really was going.

"Goodbye" I whispered as I closed the door.

I would never see them again…..

**Thanks for reading guys! On the real hollyoaks I saw some phoebe and Robbie yayayay! I was thinking they could hook up in this too! I think they are great together!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for reading so far! Please review and give me ideas for new storylines :)**

As I left the hospital I tried to think of a way I could escape without anyone knowing. If I got on a bus what if someone recognised me or followed me to where I wanted to go.

I suddenly thought of a hostel just 2 miles from here that phoebe used to use when she was on the streets. I knew because she had told me, when I found out she wasn't really a McQueen. I felt bad for phoebe. The way she had to live before Jacqui McQueen took her in. I have always liked phoebe.

As I began to walk I passed everything in Hollyoaks village. I would miss collage coffee and price slice, where Jason would sit all day trying to persuade Cindy to let him and Holly go upstairs. I would even Miss Holly! Jason's girlfriend. She was insightfully boring and very ditsy but she made Jason happy, so therefore me happy.

As I left Hollyoaks for one last time, the last thing I saw was the garage. "Alan Roscoe and sons" I wasn't even one of his sons; it showed how much I had to do with the family business. I could see pictures of all of us scattered around the inside, pictures when we were all happy, down in London. Why did we have to move to Hollyoaks? Everything has gone wrong since then!

Oh wait! It was my fault we moved to Hollyoaks, because I managed to get kicked out of school. That was just great. All this really was my fault!

{-}

Freddie and Ziggy were sat at home watching football.

"Do you recon Rob will want to come and watch the match with us Fred?" Ziggy said as he opened a fresh can.

"Zig its 2:30 in the morning! He'll be asleep you Muppet!" Freddie chuckled

"like hell he will! I bet you he is sat awake watching it himself!" Ziggy stated looking almost certain his brother would be awake.

"zig its recorded! Who is going to watch a footie match at 2:30?"

"we are!" Ziggy laughed, "I'll go wake him up!"

With that he walked up stairs, ready to pounce on his little brother. Ziggy was very drunk!

{-}

Joe and Lindsey had been searching for Robbie for over an hour.

"He was in a right state Joe! You should have seen him!" Lindsey puffed as they ran across the village frantically looking anywhere they could.

"Why didn't you tell me linds?" Joe couldn't help but think Robbie had done something stupid and it would be all his fault, why didn't he realise Robbie was upset! How long had he been like this?

"I had only just found out myself!" Lindsey cried trying to comfort her fiancé; she could see how much it was affecting him and she was so worried about Robbie! Why was he spilling his guts to Jason, so adamant that no one could know? Why was he saying he loved him? It could only lead to something bad. What had Robbie done?

"Linds we will check the house!" Joe yelled as they began to pass the folly, it was the only place left.

Robbie had to be there.

{-}

"Fred!" Joe called as he entered the house. He hoped so badly that Robbie would be watching the footie with him; he just wanted to know he was safe!

"What's the shouting for Joseph?" Freddie laughed stumbling out of the lounge to find Joe red in the face and a sobbing Lindsey.

"You're drunk aren't you?" Joe yelled pushing past his brother to get into the lounge. "Is Robbie here?"

"Yeah he-" Freddie was cut off.

"Fred, Joe, get up here NOW!" Ziggy yelled from the stairs

{-}

I was so cold, I had been walking for about an hour and it was mid-January!

I had taken everything I owned, which wasn't much because I left most shared things to Jason. He deserved them more than me.

This whole thing that had happened to me had just made me see how bad I really was, how selfish I really was, how much better off my family would be without me there.

I just thought of it as doing them a favour. I owed them a lot after what they had done for me. The best thing I could do is get out of their lives and start a new one somewhere.

I would miss them more than they would miss me but I would like to think they would be a bit sad after they found out. I know they loved me but it just wasn't enough for me to stay and ruin all their lives further. I had to think of all of them for once!

With me gone Jason could stay at the school without me bringing his grades down, and I wouldn't be getting expelled! The boys had just started up a great new garage and I couldn't ruin that by having to make everyone leave somewhere again!

So you see I was thinking of the family for once. I didn't want to be selfish anymore! I was going to be a new person!

A better person.

{-}

Joe and Lindsey bombed up the stairs, heaps of worry in their eyes, what if Robbie had done something stupid? They knew how hot headed he was!

"zig what's happened?" Joe shouted as he got into the twins bedroom.

"It's Robbie he's…..gone" Ziggy stuttered still trying to come to terms with it.

"Just because he is not in his bedroom doesn't mean he is gone though" Lindsey interrupted, how was Ziggy so sure?

"No all of his stuff is gone and…."

"And what?" Joe yelled, worry growing all over his face.

"He left a note…."

_Dear , Joe, Freddie, Ziggy, Lindsey, mum and jase,_

_I'm sorry you had to find out like this but I have to leave._

_I just can't handle it anymore, I'm such a selfish person and I have been ruining your lives for way too long! I wish I could have been a better person and not have had to do this but something that happened to me recently has made me see what I really am._

_It was all my fault about Jason and the van and I want to tell him that I'm sorry! I never meant those things I said! You should have said them to me instead!_

_I love you all and this is for the best!_

_Please don't forget me!_

_Love Robbie _

**I know that was a short chapter but I wanted to leave it there because there is a lot to come after it! I can't wait for Robbie and phoebe to get together in this! It's going to be something good that can happen to Robbie for once! Yay! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks for reading so far! Please review and give me your ideas and feedback! :)**

"We need to call mum now!" Joe yelled as he watched tears roll down Freddie and ziggy's faces as they read the letter in horror.

"I don't get why he would do this?" Ziggy replied in confusion "I don't see him as a burden? Why would he just leave?"

Joe and Lindsey looked at each other sharing the thought of what had happened to Robbie between them. They both knew that was the reason he left.

Freddie began to look at his older brother suspiciously. He knew he was hiding something, Joe and Lindsey were not nearly as surprised as him and Ziggy!

"What do you know Joe?" Freddie yelled! He couldn't understand why Robbie would just walk out? He was hot headed but he wouldn't leave his family! He wouldn't leave Jason in the state he is! Robbie was so close to him! Unless something really bad happened?

"Guys you're going to have to sit down, we need to tell you something" Joe stared at Freddie and Ziggy wishing they could just figure it out so he wouldn't have to repeat it again. He didn't want it to be real!

"Joe what's happened?" Freddie began to push his arms against his brother. "What's happened to Rob?!"

"Guys Linds found Robbie talking to Jason while he was still out of it. She overheard everything." Joe could feel a lump forming at the back of his throat just thinking about it.

"But Robbie was in school?" Ziggy protested looking even more confused.

"That's the thing, he wasn't" Lindsey butted in. "I walked down to Jason's room to try and find Sandy so I could tell her the great news that Jason was waking up. It's just that, when I got there it wasn't sandy I saw, it was Robbie spilling his emotions out to Jason!"

"LINDSEY WHAT DID HE SAY?" Freddie yelled. He couldn't keep his anger in any longer. He loved his brother and he wanted to know why he would just desert the family like that!

"He was saying sorry to Jason, because he thought it was his fault he got hit, and that he loved him and never meant what he said before." Lindsey carried on as she watched her family's faces grow with worry.

"THEN WHAT?"

"The night Jason got hit, Robbie had been acting weird" Lindsey choked as she began to get to the part that would send Freddie and Ziggy mental.

"But he just went to see Patrick Blake?" Ziggy interrupted he didn't understand what could have made Robbie so upset?

"Patrick did something" Lindsey choked looking at Joe for some help. She couldn't tell them this, it wasn't her place.

"JOE?" Freddie turned to his older brother who was red in the face.

"Robbie was…"

"Just spit it out!"

"Robbie was raped….."

{-}

I just looked at the hostel and pictured what my new life would be like. I was called a thug and I would probably be pushed around, but I was used to that ever since I lived with Freddie! He was the most violent brother you could have had. I used to tease him so he would push me around, then it would get him in trouble! It was so funny when he got in trouble!

I would miss the banter with all the boys; it was what made me love the family the most. The way we all got on was amazing. I mean there would be the odd punch up now and again but apart from that, Saturday nights consisted of all five of us sitting watching the match and Freddie getting clipped behind the ear when he got me and Jason a can of beer.

My life would be so different without them. I acted the hard nut and like nothing could hurt me, but to be honest Freddie and Joe fought all of my battles, and they were always protective over me and jase. If anyone touched us they would be either in hospital or a box the next day. Let's just say Joe went slightly off the rails as a teenager…

As I began to walk through the door I could see a gang of boys who looked about 18 smoking in the corridor. They stared at my small figure and chuckled to themselves. I had a feeling I was probably not going to get on with them.

I walked up to a woman who was carrying a small file and a jug of milk.

"Excuse me? Who are you?" she asked looking down at my bag and then back up at me.

"i-mm a friend of urrm Phoebe McQueen?" I replied, hoping she wouldn't throw me out of the hostel by the scruff of my neck.

"I'm sorry, who is phoebe McQueen?" she looked at me in utter confusion! I thought she would remember who phoebe was! Even if she did leave 2 years ago!

I suddenly remembered that Phoebe wasn't always a McQueen! But I didn't know her real name! Shit!

"I'm sorry I'll just leave, I think I've got the wrong place." I muttered. There was no way they would let me in, and the smell of smoke already hurt my lungs.

I was about to walk out of the door when I heard a familiar voice call my name….

{~}

Ziggy and Freddie stared at Joe and were silent.

"What should we do?" Ziggy muttered still tying to take the last few words in. How could Robbie have been raped? Why did he let them?

"We need to call mum! She needs to know what happened!" Joe replied beginning to dial the number.

"Maybe he went to the hospital to check on Jason first?" Lindsey interrupted, we could check there again too. "Me and Freddie will go there. You stay here in case he comes back." Lindsey knew she needed to stay calm. Freddie had not said anything yet, and she knew it had hit him hardest. Freddie was just like Robbie. He seemed so hard on the outside, it would seem that nothing could break him, but if you got to know the real Freddie, he was probably one of the most vulnerable Roscoes.

So was Robbie…..

"Mum?" Joe addressed his mother in a worried tone, he needed to get her attention, get her home to the house.

"What's up sweetie? It's 4:00am in the morning?" Sandy groaned, smiling at Jason who was still sleeping peacefully without a tube down his throat.

"I need you to come home" Joe persisted, not wanting to alarm his mother.

"Why? I'm staying with Jason tonight joe, he needs me!" Sandy snapped, wondering how her boy could be so selfish, knowing how his brother had nearly died!

"mum, it's Robbie. Something's happened! he has left!" Joe yelled, beginning to choke up when he thought of his little brother all alone and having to fend for himself. "Did he come and say anything to you? Have you seen him?"

"Why would he just leave? What's he done now?" Sandy cried. She was so annoyed that he would do something like this, when his brother needed him, Jason would never recover properly without Robbie by his side. Jason wasn't Jason without Robbie !

"Mum just come home, I think we know why he has left but I'm not telling you over the phone." Joe began to speak fast for some reason. He could feel Lindsey rubbing his shoulder to try and calm him down, but he was getting so worked up about Robbie. He was going to find him , and then kill the bastard who did this to him.

Patrick Blake was a dead man!

{~}

Sandy didn't want to leave Jason. He was so peaceful as he slept and looked so child like. The nurse had been into check on him before sandy fell asleep. She just said he was very weak and the punctured lung would increase his difficulty in breathing. Sandy didn't care! All she cared about was that Jason was not in a coma. That Jason was alive!

She kissed him on the cheek and began to get her coat. As she began to walk towards the door she noticed a small note on the side of the table. It was in a familiar handwriting and read:

_"Sorry"_

She instantly knew it was Robbie's handwriting and she gulped and put her hand over her mouth. Robbie had never said sorry in his whole life! Sandy had just guessed he has bunked off school and gone to see some mate of his for a few days. Robbie must have come in to say goodbye! She thought reading the word over and over. What had Robbie done? What if he was going to do something stupid?

{~}

"Robbie?" A familiar voice called my name.

I turned around and stared at the beautiful form of phoebe McQueen who was looking at me with great confusion.

"What are you doing here?" She said as she began to walk up to me and stare at my giant bag.

"I've left Hollyoaks"'I muttered "this was the first place I came to because you had told me about it before." I just stared into phoebe's brown eyes, looking at her confused expression beginning to turn into a worried one.

"Robbie why would you leave a life like that to come to somewhere lie this?" She began to sound angry, I wasn't sure why?

"Robbie this was one of the worst places I have ever been to in my life! I spent some of my darkest months here, getting beaten up and fighting others for food! Why the hell would you choose this life? You're stupid!" She began to yell, as if this had anything to do with her?

"This is none of your business!" I spat. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Visiting someone…" She muttered

"Why are you visiting someone at 4:00 in the morning?" I snapped trying to sound smart. I knew she was hiding something!

"Just come with me!" she grabbed my arm and began pulling me up some stairs. Why would she want me anywhere near her, I knew she hated me after how I had reacted with her earlier today.

We walked into a small room with a single camp bed and a lamp and phone charger on the floor. There were stains on the carpet and what looked like cigarette buds thrown in the corner. I looked at her face; she had lived like this for months! I couldn't live like this? This was nothing like the hostel I stayed in, in Germany when Jason and i went on that crap school trip!

"I don't understand phoebe? Who's room is this?" I questioned, my eyes still fixated on the damp on the wall and what once was a cream carpet.

"It is my friend's room; I have known him for years! He always comes here at night after stealing from the local chippie for tea" she went on sitting on the bed and placing her hand on the mattress, ushering me to come and sit with her.

"Well where is he now?" I asked as I sat next to her.

"That's the problem! He never leaves and I'm worried about him Robbie!" she whimpered beginning to check her phone again.

"I understand your worried, but why come here so late at night" I began to place my hand over hers and try and comfort her.

"Because of you!" she muttered looking deeply in my eyes.

"What? How did you know i-" I spat. I was so confused! How the hell would phoebe know I was running away? How did she know I would come here?

"I saw you!" she yelled. "I was getting some air because I couldn't sleep, after all of the worrying for jimmy."

"Oh so jimmy is the one that you're looking for?" I butted in.

"yeah. Anyway, I saw you walking with a big bag and after today I figured you were running off!" she continued giving me the sympathetic look, that would make me spill everything out to her.

"But how did you know I would be here?" I protested.

"I followed you" she smiled

"But you were here before me?"

"I got on the bus you idiot! Who walks 3 miles at half two in the morning?" She laughed banging against my shoulder.

"how did you know I would come here?" I was still confused! If she got the bus she wouldn't have seen me walk to the hostel?

"I knew because I saw you typing the address in your phone." She smiled beginning to get closer to me.

I loved it when she got close to me.

{~}

Sandy stormed through the door as quick as she could. Lindsey and Freddie were in tow after being unsuccessful in finding Robbie at the hospital.

"I found this" she whimpered handing joe the piece of paper she had picked up. "You tell me what has happened, right now!"

**Thanks for reading so far! I got a comment about Finn and john-Paul! Just wanted to let you know that this is set just before the storyline between them two, and it would be great idea to put it into the story! Please keep giving me your ideas! :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for the reviews so far! They are all so lovely! I'm going to bring some new characters into this soon like dodger and Maxine and Finn and John Paul! I want this story to have the downfall of Finn and Patrick in it because I think it will make it so much more interesting! Oh and love may be on the cards for two people…. :) OPINIONS!? **

"Mum calm down!" Ziggy persisted with trying to sit his furious mother onto the sofa as she began to shake with worry, sobbing over the letter that Joe had handed her.

"It's all my fault!" she whimpered "I know why he ran away!"

"You do?" Lindsey questioned beginning to yawn at the fact it was now half past 6 and not one of the family members had gone to bed.

"Yeah! I should have noticed what it had done to him when I sent him away from us all!" Sandy sobbed. "Look how it affected Jason when that happened. It must have affected Robbie 10 times worse!"

"Mum we don't think that is the whole reason Robbie ran away" Joe began to choke at having to say this for a third time.

"What are you not telling me?" sandy yelled beginning to rise from her sitting position to look at her son directly.

"we think Robbie was raped" Joe swallowed that returning lump in his throat and a tear came to his eye as he watched his mum collapse back onto the sofa in floods of tears.

"By who?" sandy yelled the protective mother side of her going into full swing.

"Patrick Blake" Lindsey muttered.

"Well I think we need to pay this son of a b**** a visit" Freddie yelled, he knew they needed to find his brother but this man had to die first.

"How do you know all of this Lindsey?" sandy questioned, tears now freely running down her face "why did my boy not come to me? Am I such a bad mother?"

"None of us would have known if it hadn't been for Lindsey overhearing a conversation that Robbie was having to Jason" Joe interrupted holding his mum tightly as she sobbed.

"Do you think Jason heard him?" Ziggy proposed looking at his now confused family. "No like when people are in comas they can sometimes hear what others are saying, and if he did, he might know where we could find Robbie, he might have told Jason before Lindsey overheard!"

"Well Jason was pining for Robbie all night" Sandy tried to dry her tears. Crying was not going to find her son! She needed to think!

"So you think he might know then?" Freddie had already got his coat on; he had to find Robbie today before he got too far.

"Yeah, that's why he was going mental when he woke up, he must know!" sandy sighed; she should have made Jason tell her what was wrong!

"Let's go and speak to him then" Lindsey smiled beginning to usher her family to the door.

{-}

I woke up to find myself laid next to phoebe on the camp bed. She was still asleep and was cuddling up to my jumper. I so desperately wanted to tell her why I was on the run, and not to go near Hollyoaks high or Patrick Blake again!

"Robbie" she whispered smiling as her eyes began to open and snuggling up to me more.

For a minute it was almost like we were a couple! The dream girl that I wanted to have for about a year now was so close to me, I could smell her perfume and feel her soft hair resting against me.

"You need to help me" she began to sit up and stare into my eyes.

"Yeah anything" I muttered still staring at her, not really wanting to let go of the moment. She was the only thing that had taken my mind off my stupid life. The only thing that had took my mind off Jason and Patrick.

"Please help me find jimmy!" she pleaded. I could see the worry build up on her face and it made me feel sick. I didn't want to see her upset; I preferred it when she smiled.

"Yeah course I will!" I smiled, as she flung her arms around me.

"Where might he be?" I asked as we both pulled away, "do you know where to start?"

"We should look a few miles down the road first" she looked certain about it and it worried me.

"Why?"

"Because that's where he was last time I couldn't find him." She sighed. "He has to do whatever he can to fend for himself , and last time he got involved with this gang and they had knives and stuff"

"What!" I swallowed hard, I was the Hollyoaks average hard nut, but not even I had been face to face with a gang, and I certainly didn't like the idea of phoebe going anywhere near one!

"Please Robbie! I can't do this on my own!" she whimpered, franticly checking her phone again for any sign of contact from him

"Okay, okay!" I tried to calm her down as she began to cry. "I'm not going to let you go out there on your own, I'll always protect you!"

She smiled and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Thanks Robbie, you're really sweet!"

That was the best thing I had heard all year!

{-}

Sandy rushed into Jason's room in a desperate bid that he might know where his brother was.

Joe and Freddie ran straight behind her but stopped and smiled as they saw Jason sleeping peacefully with a small smile on his face.

"Should we wait until he is awake?" sandy questioned, not wanting to stop Jason from getting rest.

"Mum he has got all day to do that! We need to be out there looking for Robbie!" Freddie butted in beginning to walk to his little brother's bedside.

"Jase? Jase wake up!" he squeezed his brother's hand and began to lightly tap on his shoulder.

Jason's eyes began to flutter open and he smiled as the image of Freddie sat beside him came into focus.

"Fred what are you doing here?" he spoke hoarsely as he began to take his oxygen mask off.

"Just listen okay." Freddie nervously smiled. He hoped that Jason already knew about Robbie because it would be too much of a shock for him to take in right now.

"What's wrong?" Jason winced as he began to pull himself up from his laying position

"Jason something has happened to Robbie and we wondered whether you knew anything about it?" Freddie would be able to tell if Jason was lying, so he watched his brother carefully take the information in.

"is he okay what happened?" Jason began to get worried as he knew what Robbie had been telling him about him not being a good brother and how he was… well raped.

"You know don't you!" Freddie looked at Jason in hope that he would be able to locate Robbie without them even having to leave Hollyoaks. At the end of the day Jason knew Robbie better than anyone else in the world.

"He came and spoke to me while I was out of it, I heard everything though." Jason began to shake with worry and frantically try to figure out where Robbie might have gone.

"Jason, we know everything about the rape, but he has just left and we don't know where to find him!" Sandy began to sob as she thought of her boy all alone in the world. He needed his family for once. He had always needed his family but they were never there. Not really. Sandy thought, she was adamant this was all her fault!

"I don't know where he has gone!" Jason felt tears beginning to form, he couldn't live without his brother! It felt even worse with him being too weak to get out of the hospital bed!

"where could we start looking?" Joe pestered, wanting to run around the world to find his brother.

"There is a place a few miles away that he is always going on about, something to do with phoebe?" Jason coughed, his collapsed lung wasn't much better, even after all of the treatment so far. He wheezed as he spoke.

"Stop talking Jason!" Sandy smiled placing the oxygen mask back over his head. "You rest for now, we will find Robbie!"

"But-I-wa-na-he-lp" he breathed quickly, gasping for air at every word

"I'm going to get a doctor, your breathing is just getting worse" Sandy fretted rushing out of the room.

"Let's pay this phoebe girl a visit Fred." Joe suggested. "She will know where this place is."

"Joe" Jason whispered.

"Jase don't talk just rest" Freddie ushered as he put his hand on his little brother's shoulder.

"Find-my-brother" he wheezed

"Don't worry we will"

**Thanks for reading! Any ideas? :) **


	13. Chapter 13

**Omg thanks so much for all of my reviews! They are all so amazing! Keep reading and give me your ideas! BTW it's the holidays so yay! **

I was getting my coat while phoebe was collecting our stuff so we could set out on our journey to find this jimmy person.

"Robbie?" she called from the bathroom

"Yeah" I replied "you haven't got stuck in that bathroom have ya?"

She walked out holding the photo of me and Jason looking at me sympathetically.

"Why did you leave Robbie?" she asked, beginning to sit back on the bed.

"None of your business" I snapped instinctively snatching the photo from her grip.

"You don't have to be hard with me Robbie! I know you're not telling me something."

"I just needed to get away okay!" I muttered, my eyes still fixated on the picture of me and Jase.

"Look I'm your friend, you can tell me!" she smiled touching my shoulder as she stood up.

It felt just the same as when Lindsey found everything out. Maybe being with phoebe wasn't such a good idea. I already felt like spilling my guts out to her and she practically hated me before yesterday!

"Why do you even wanna know?" I snapped again pulling away from her grip.

"I care about you Robbie!" she spoke softly.

"No you don't! You hate me most of the time!" I yelled throwing the picture across the room.

I didn't know what came over me, but when anyone asked how I was I just couldn't take it!

"I don't hate you!" she cried in fear as she watched the glass frame smash across the floor. "Where's the Robbie from last night?"

"This is the real Robbie! The thug, the bad guy and the evil selfish idiot!" I screamed at the girl towering over her small and frail figure.

"No its not! I know you're good! I know about all the bad stuff you have done and I still see the real Robbie shining through you!" she shouted, slightly smiling as the tears rolled down her face.

"You don't know me!" I shouted pushing her against the wall.

I couldn't control myself, all the anger that had been building up inside poured out of me. I felt bad but I couldn't stop!

"Robbie stop it!" phoebe screamed trying to calm me down by holding me back as my force tried to push her away.

"Why should I?!" I could feel the tears welling up and my force beginning to get weaker.

"Because I love you!" she sobbed smiling half hearted at me as she watched the tears roll down my face.

I was shocked and I couldn't admit it. I couldn't admit that I wanted to kiss her and protect her too. I couldn't love anyone, I had to get away before I hurt her!

"Well I don't love you!" I felt the adrenalin rush through me as I pushed her with all my force to the floor and stormed out.

I had to leave her now!

Before I hurt her as well….

{-}

Sandy fussed over Jason as he began wheezing again when he tried to talk.

"Jason stop talking!" she smiled at him as she gripped his hand. He was getting progressively worse and it worried Sandy.

"I-wan-na-he-lp-fi-nd-my-bro-ther" he breathed inwardly desperately trying to talk in full sentences.

"After what's happened, so do I!" Sandy sighed smiling weakly.

Sandy Roscoe was completely broken inside but she had to stay strong. Her two youngest were both in trouble and she couldn't help but think it was all her fault! If she had listened to Robbie he might have not ran away! He could have just came and talked to her about the rape. She would have sorted it! She wanted to kill Patrick so badly! But then there was her other son she needed to think about as well. Jason needed his mum and Sandy couldn't possibly just leave her son!

"Mum-please-find-Ro-bbie" Jason stuttered as he began to lay back down.

"I'm not leaving you!" Sandy snapped.

Jason could see how much all of this had hurt her. He could feel himself getting worse but if he told his mum she would never leave to find Robbie! Robbie meant more, Jason thought as he watched the stray tear run down his mums face as she thought about the whole situation. Jason needed to make her leave so she could help Robbie! He felt so worthless because he couldn't come out and find his brother too! Robbie needed him, Jason thought as he stared into space. No way was Robbie going to talk to anyone else!

"Mum I'm gonna get some sleep" Jason managed to pull out all the energy he had left so he could form a half decent sentence. This would hopefully put his mums mind at rest on his breathing so she could get out there and find his brother!

"Are you sure you want me to leave?" Sandy couldn't help but smile at her son's determination that she found his twin.

He nodded lightly before closing his eyes.

{-}

Phoebe McQueen was heartbroken! She really thought Robbie loved her too!

She thought about running after him and pleading him to give them a go, but then she realised that if Robbie didn't want her she would sound desperate and stupid! Phoebe McQueen was not desperate!

She began collecting various items off the ground whilst looking at the shattered glass covering her path. Where was the Robbie from last night? The Robbie who held her while she cried about jimmy and hugged her as she went to sleep!

Where was the Robbie she had fell in love with?

{-}

Sandy had been quite happy that she could finally join the hunt for her son.

Joe and Freddie had been looking around the area all day before beginning to make their way to the McQueen's house to talk to phoebe.

As they approached the door Carmel was dancing in the front garden with Kathleen-Angel.

Freddie smirked at the woman prancing around in 5 inch heels but quickly resulted to pulling a straight face as Joe elbowed him in the stomach.

"Ouch!" Freddie sneered as he grabbed hold of his side.

"Fred shut up!" Joe glared at his younger brother as the watched their mum go forward.

"Hello Carmel" Sandy smiled

"Hello Sandy, have you come about next week's church sale because I have one slot open if you-"

"No it's about Phoebe" Sandy ushered looking behind Carmel to see if she could spot the girl.

"Oh I'm sorry Sandy but she hasn't been back since last night" Carmel sighed as she saw Sandy's head drop in despair.

"Do you know where she might be?" Joe butted in, hoping that she would just be at a mate's house.

"No sorry Joe, she just left a note saying 'back soon'" Carmel pulled the crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket and handed it to him.

"Do think she might be with Robbie?" Sandy managed to spit out a sentence as she began to tear up again.

"Possibly, she never stops going on about him!" Carmel smiled when she looked at Sandy's head perk up.

"Does she tend to go anywhere in particular when she leaves?" Joe said as he thought of the place Jason had been on about earlier in the hospital.

"Oh only to visit her old friend from the hostel she used to go to." Carmel suggested feeling confused as she saw Freddie begin to get a note pad and pen out of his jacket pocket.

"What's the address" he ushered the woman to go on as sandy hugged her other son.

"Don't worry mum, we will find him." Joe whispered as he held his mum tightly.

{-}

I needed to get out of this stupid town.

I was an idiot to think that I could take anyone I knew with me. They were sure to ask questions and it was my own stupid fault that I couldn't answer them!

I began to walk along the roadside until I got to the bus station. I needed to get further than two miles out of this hell hole!

I began to get on the number 38 so I could get to the train station. I thought I could go back to London and stay with a few mates down there. They had no idea who I was in Hollyoaks and they certainly didn't need to find out anything!

I wanted a fresh start, something that I could use to get my life back on track.

I looked out of the window as we went along the road. I saw happy couples and children running round with their parents.

I suddenly thought of Phoebe again.

I hoped she was okay after I pushed her. I never wanted to hurt her! She just couldn't find anything out! It was for her own good and she would understand that when she found her friend or whatever his name was.

I wanted to see her again though! All I could feel was her next to me, and the sweet smell of her perfume rubbed against my jumper. I could still hear her laugh and talk with me as if I was her friend.

I loved last night. I wanted her to be sat here so badly! I wanted her back so I could apologise for what I said.

I wanted to say the complete opposite! I wanted to tell her I felt the same way, and that I was the one that got that funny feeling in my stomach when she walked past me. I wanted to tell her that the Robbie last night was the real me, the person I so desperately wanted to be, and that she was the only one who could make me feel that way.

I wanted to tell her that I loved her too.

I suddenly thought of jimmy. That person she called a friend. I suddenly remembered our conversation last night about him.

**_"Please help me find jimmy!" she pleaded. I could see the worry build up on her face and it made me feel sick. I didn't want to see her upset; I preferred it when she smiled._**

**_"Yeah course I will!" I smiled, as she flung her arms around me._**

**_"Where might he be?" I asked as we both pulled away, "do you know where to start?"_**

**_"We should look a few miles down the road first" she looked certain about it and it worried me._**

**_"Why?"_**

**_"Because that's where he was last time I couldn't find him." She sighed. "He has to do whatever he can to fend for himself, and last time he got involved with this gang and they had knives and stuff"_**

**_"What!" I swallowed hard, I was the Hollyoaks average hard nut, but not even I had been face to face with a gang, and I certainly didn't like the idea of phoebe going anywhere near one!_**

**_"Please Robbie! I can't do this on my own!" she whimpered, franticly checking her phone again for any sign of contact from him_**

**_"Okay, okay!" I tried to calm her down as she began to cry. "I'm not going to let you go out there on your own, I'll always protect you!"_**

If I had left what if phoebe had gone to search for him herself.

She could be in all kinds of danger! I thought as I began to shoot up from my seat. I had told her I would protect her and I had just left like that! What sort of a man was I?

I suddenly knew what I had to do.

If I was going to become a better person, and have a new start I needed to protect phoebe! She was the one I loved and told I would protect, and I was not going to break my promise to her.

Robbie Roscoe never broke a promise!

I quickly rose from the seat, I needed to get back to her before it was too late!

"STOP THIS BUS!" I shouted

I just hoped I would get to her in time!

**Thanks for reading so far! I'll update soon :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you for your reviews! After I have finished this storyline I want to carry this on :) any ideas for a new roscoe storyline?**

Phoebe started to look for jimmy down an alley just down the road.

This was where the gang usually hung out but there was no sight of them anywhere! It was getting near to 9:00pm and phoebe didn't like being on her own. Some friend Robbie was! She thought as she began to walk further down the the backstreets.

Suddenly she felt someone pull their hand over her mouth as she was dragged through the back yard into one of the terraced houses.

She desperately tried to scream, but it was no good! The man had her firmly in their grip and there was no way she could struggle out! She still tried but the force around her neck just got stronger.

Phoebe began to wheeze as a burning sensation hit her lungs. She couldn't breathe! The screaming began to soften as her erratic breathing took over.

She began to see stars and she clutched on to the man as she began to fall.

The world just went black.

{-}

I got back to the hostel at about 10:00pm.

There was no sign of phoebe anywhere! I began to look around various rooms, but all her stuff had gone and other residents said she had left a while ago.

I started to panic as my worst thoughts came into reality. What if she had gone to find this gang on her own? She was not tough enough to go through that on her own and if anything happened to her it would be all my fault!

So much for the "new" Robbie! I thought as I regathered my things ready to search for phoebe. I was meant to protect her but I was just selfish as usual and I had flipped out at the slightest thing!

If I was going to find her I was going to have to get ready to stand up to a gang. I didn't want to do that! I looked like a hard nut in Hollyoaks but when it came to a real life gang like you see on tv, I was no match to them! They would tear me apart in ten seconds!

I had to find phoebe though! I couldn't leave her out here alone! If I wanted to be in her life I needed to keep her safe and let her trust me! I wasn't exactly the easiest person to trust, but she needed to know that what I said was wrong, and that the Robbie from last night was the person I really was and wanted to be! I had to tell her I loved her too!

{-}

Phoebe began to wake up on a black room.

She was laid against an old mattress and her hands were firmly tied to an old radiator pole. She began to look around at her surroundings. She couldn't see much, but the room was old and damp, with a concrete floor and an old sink screwed firmly on the other side of the wall.

Phoebe began to push herself up to a sitting position. Her hands were still stiff against the pole but she could twist her hands towards the back of her body so she was comfortable.

The small window above her head was bolted shut, but it was low enough so she could get an idea where she was. Outside the window she saw the alley she had walked down, and that the house she was In was on about the 3rd row down.

Phoebe realised there was her phone still slotted in her back pocket of her jeans. She knew she could ring someone for help if she could just get it out.

She began to struggle against the rope to try and loosen her hands. The knot was tight but her right hand rubbed against it so hard it became weaker. The blood from the cuts on her wrists trickled down her arm but anything was worth getting out of this mess.

Finally her right arm was free from the rope but the left was still wedged between the other knot. Phoebe scrambled in her pockets to find her phone before scrolling through the numerous contacts, trying to decide who to call.

As Robbie's contact came into her view phoebe sighed. She desperately wanted to call him and beg that he came and rescued her, but she didn't want to sound desperate when he made it clear that he didn't want her.

The only problem was that phoebe couldn't call anyone else. If the police got involved the gang would be back for her for definite and they would never be truly gone! If any of the McQueen's got involved lets just say it would be carnage! And phoebe didn't have anyone else.

Phoebe quickly clicked on his picture. It became bigger as the dial tone began. It rung and rung until.

"Hello"

Phoebe began to panic as she didn't really know what to say.

"Robbie it's me!" She squealed as the rope began to hurt her hand more as she tugged on the knot.

"Phoebe are you okay? Where are you?" Robbie sounded concerned, phoebe felt her heart melt as she heard the bad boys voice become soft and caring.

"Robbie I'm trapped!" She began to speak again while scanning the room for details she could give Robbie about her whereabouts.

"What! Phoebe have they hurt you? Where are you?" Robbie began to speak fast, just like his brothers he wasn't very calm in bad situations.

Phoebe found it weird that Robbie knew it would be the gang, she shook the thought from her head and began to give Robbie details.

"I don't really know where I am but it is a row of terrace houses, like the third one down a few miles from the hostel" she began to talk quietly all of a sudden.

Phoebe could hear footsteps.

"Phoebe? Phoebe? Are you there?" Robbie began to shout down the phone.

The line went dead.

{~}

I needed to get to phoebe quickly!

I rang the phone again but the call was rejected. I knew she was in trouble or that whoever took her had come back. She didn't explain what had happened but I had a gut feeling it was something to do with jimmy!

I should never have left her I thought as I ran along the rows of houses. I remembered it was the third one down but which side?

Just as I came close the phone began to ring….

"Hello" I said, desperately hoping I would hear phoebe's sweet voice ring through my ears with more details.

"You must be Robbie" a dark voice echoed "she said you would save her" the man chuckled.

"Who are you, and what have you done with phoebe!" I yelled beginning to run towards the house in sight.

"Oh you see, phoebe is close to jimmy, and jimmy has been a naughty boy, haven't you jimmy?" I heard a cry come from the phone as someone hit him.

"So as pay back for his little 'crime' his sweet little friend will have to pay too." The man began to whisper to someone. I couldn't really hear what they said. I suddenly heard a scream fill my ears from phoebe. My instinct jumped in and I barged through the front door.

{~}

Phoebe winced as the man punched her directly in the stomach. She screamed out hoping Robbie would hear her on the phone.

She began to look at jimmy who had now become unconscious due to blood loss and the amount of times he had been punched in the head.

"You will never find your precious girlfriend now!" The man laughed harder hanging up the phone.

Phoebe gulped. She was so scared but when he called her Robbie's girlfriend she wished so badly that it was true! She was so sure Robbie loved her! Why would he hold back now?

Just as she began to give up hope she heard a noise at the front door. Robbie burst through and stood solid in front of her frail figure. Phoebe couldn't help but let a stray tear fall down her cheek as she saw him look at her with a relieved smile.

The three men stared in shock as they saw Robbie stood in the doorway.

"Get your hands of the woman I love!" He protested.

** Thank you to my best friend naughtymango123 for the inspiration for this chapter! Keep reading and il update soon :) xx**


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